Adult Jokes

Teacher class mein = “Bachho, "Jimmedari" pe ek sentance banao”

Santa = Madam ji, agar aapke blause ke 4 mein se 3 batan toot jaayen,

To saari "Jimmedari" sirf ek batan par hogi.

Clothes

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Santa ek din bada confuse sa tha aur usne banta se pucha..

Santa = “Yaar teri biwi chalu hai, mujhe hamesha dekh ke muskurati rehti hai..?”

Banta = "Oye nahin yaar aisa kuch nahin hai, usne mujhse suhagraat pe puchha tha,

kya mene kabhi kisi ke saath sex kiya Hai, to maine tera naam bol diya tha"….

Friends

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Bachcha shopkeeper se = Uncle "Suji" hai..??

Shopkeeper = Haan beta suji hai.

Bachcha = Saale, fir marwayi kyun thi…??

baby

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Girl = Main jab bhi apne pados wale ladke ko dekhti hoon, meri bra tight ho jati hai. 

To uski Ma Boli, "Kal se bra hi mat pehen, uski pant tight ho jayegi!!"

Boy

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Santa went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed 

together for the first time. Santa took off his shoes and socks and his 

toes were all twisted and discolored. 

Wife = What happened to your feet? 

Santa = I had a childhood disease called Tolio.

Wife = Don't you mean polio? 

Santa = No, tolio, it only affects the toes. 

Santa then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees. 

Wife = What happened to your knees..? 

Santa = Well, I also had Kneesles.

Wife = Don't you mean measles..? 

Santa = No, kneesles, it only affects the knees. 

When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said = "Don't tell me, 

you also had Smallcox..!"

Couple

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A man 2 shopkeeper = Ek White colour ka Condom dena. 

Shopkeer = White hi kyun..? 

Man = Padosan ka husband guzar gaya hai afsos karne jaana hai.

Dog

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Dhobi police se = Banta ne meri biwi ki ijjat luti..!! 

Banta = Main press karwane gaya tha, dhobi ne kaha main khana kha raha hoon,

istri garm hai mar lo..

Press

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Santa lucknow ke kothe pe gaya aur aunty se bola..

Santa = Mujhe Rita se milna hai..

Aunty = Woh 1 baar ka 1000 rs leti hai..

Santa = Koi baat nahin ji, main de dunga..

Santa Rita ke saath sex karke 1000 rs de deta hai.

Next day phir sex karke 1000 rs de deta hai…..

3rd day phir jata hai or sex karke 1000 rs de deta hai….

Jab wo jaane lagta hai to Rita bolti hai….

Rita = Tum mujhe bahut achhe lage, Paisi ke liye koi mol bhaav nahin kiya,

kahan se aaye ho..?

Santa = Ji, Punjab Ludhiana se….

Rita = Ohh..! wahan to meri cousin sister bhi rehti hai..

Santa = Haan, usi ne to mujhe 3000 rs diye the aur kaha tha ki tumhe de dun,

tumhe chahiye honge..!!

Money

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Husband = Jee karta hai ki tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaun,

tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaun, tumhari bahon mein jhool jaaun..

Wife = Niche kya padosi ghusengey..?

Painting

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Girl = X'cuse me brother, that's my seat.

Boy = Ok, But I'm not ur brother, my father never f**ked ur mom.

Girl = True, but my father did..!

Driving

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Sex is like a restaurant sometimes u get good service, sometimes bad service,

sometimes no service & many times u have to be happy with self service…

Work

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3 ladkiyan lunch kar rahi thi….

Pehli = Aaj maine boss drawer mein condom dekha..!

Dusri = Haan yaar..! maine bhi dekha phir maine usmein cheed kar diya..

Teesri = Haraamzaadi pehle batana tha na….!!

Eating

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Boy = Jaldi se munh kholo.

Girl = Arey itna badaa munh mein kaise daloongi.

Girl = Oops..! saare kapdey geelay ho gaye.

Boy = Aur logi..?

Girl = Na baba na ye gol-gappey tum hi khaao….

Eating

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8 sal ka bachcha rape case mein pakra jata hai…

Lady lawyer uski lulli pakr ke kehti hai, "Kya ye bachcha rape kar sakta hai"….??

Bacha kehta hai = Madam ji hilao mat warna case haarjaogi……

Baby

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Class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli thi.. Ye dekh kar ladkiyaan jor se hasne lagi…

Master(ghusse mein) = Jyada he he ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar dunga…..

Kids

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Suhagrat par pati ne apni patni ko draate hue…

 

Pati = Shaadi se pahle kitni baar sex kiya hai..?

Patni = Ji ek baar bhi nahin..

Pati = Jhuth mat bol, mere paas ek meter hai laga ke check karun..?

Patni = Ji, Ek Baar galti se sex kiya tha..

Pati = Sach sach bata, mere paas sach ka meter hai, lagaun kya….?

Patni = Mujhe maaf kar do, 10-15 baar kiya hai…

Pati = Sab sach sach bata de, nahin to meter lagane wala hun….

Patni ghusse mein = Aaja bhonsdi ke laga hi le tu apna meter, jitni baar 

mene sex kiya hai na.. Utne to tere meter mein number nahin honge…

Meter

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Shaadi ki pehli raat…

Husband apni wife ki ch**t mein ungli daal raha tha..

Wife sarmaate hue = Ek ungli or daalo na….

Husband = Kyun, tujhe siti bajani hai kya…?

whistle

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Santa apni girlfriend se = Aaj raat mere paas aao na sex karte hain..?

Girl = Thik hai, but condom jaroor le aana…

Santa khusi ke maare chemist ki shop par condom lene gaya…

Santa = Bhai sahab, ek condom ka packet de do..

Chemist = Konse flavour ka dun..?

Santa thodi der sochne ke baad.."Chholey Bhature" wala  de do….

Walk

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Do sardaar ek ladki ko dekh rahe the.

Pehla sardaar = What a breast..

Dusra sardaar = Yaar breast se yaad aaya bhabi kaisi hain..? ;-)

swimming

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Ek baar ek saadhu baba gali se gujar raha tha, tabhi unpar ek "Bra" giri….. 

Baba = Hey prabhu ye teri kaisi lila hai, aam koi aur choos raha hai aur 

chhilka humpe phekh raha hai.

Eating

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Sir = Tum bade ya tumhare papa..?

Student = Main.. 

Sir = Kaise..? 

Student = Maine mummy ka doodh peena chhod diya hai, 

lekin papa abhi bhi peete hai.

Milk