Film Director to Actor = Tum ko 100 feet ki height se swimming pool me 

jump lagana hai.

Actor = Par mere ko tairna nahi aata, mein doob jaunga.

Film Director = Don't worry, pool me paani nahi hai.

Jump

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Ek Hindi man ek Ashram me jaake Baba Ji se bole = Baba Ji,

Mera pooja me mann nahin lagta.. kya karun..?

Baba Ji = Us Pooja ko mere pass bhej do, shayad mera man lag jaaye.

Prayer

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Desi Teacher = Why are you late today? School starts at 7 O' Clock.

Desi Kid = Madam, don't worry about me, you may start the school before I reach.

Walk

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Sardar to Bania = Sethji, we are starting an orphanage.

Bania = Very good !

Sardar = What can you do for our orphanage?

Bania = I can send my four kids there.

Run

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Husband and wife were going to market. On the way they saw a donkey.

Funny Wife = See you relative, say good morning.

Funny Husband = Good morning, father-in-law…

Donkey

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Santa & Banta were sitting in a kabristan & were talking.

Santa = Banta Ji, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole = Kyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil ki hai…

Hand

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1 Jin sharaab peene insan k roop main aaya, 12 glass pee gaya,

Bar keeper = Tumhen charhti nahin?

Jin = May jin hun.

Bar keeper = Chad gayi saale ko…. :)

Genie

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Wo bi kya din the jab ladkian apko apni baho main leti thi kiss karti thi aur kehti thi….

.

.

.

.

.

Very Sweet Kid…..!!!

Baby

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Mujrim sardar lawyer se = Koshish karna ki mujhe mout ki sazaa na mile, 

chahe umar kaid ki sazaa mil jaaye..

After case….

Mujrim = Case ka kya hua..?

Lawyer = Badi mushkil se umar kaid ki sazaa hui hai warna judge ne tumhe 

riha kar diya tha…

Lawyer

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3 Ants saw an elephant coming…

First Ant = We Will Kill Him

Second Ant = We Will Break His Leg

Third Ant = Leave Him Dude He’s Alone & We Are 3….!

Ant

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Santa = Tumhari car ka tyre puncture kaise hua?

Driver Banta = Ik daaru ki bottle iske neeche aa gayi thi.

Santa = Tumhe bottle nazar nahi aayi?

Funny Banta = Bottle uss bande ki jeb me thi jo meri car ke neeche aaya tha.

Accident

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Lawyer to Santa = Geeta pe haath rakh Kar kasam khao Ki….

Santa = Ye kya..! Seeta ko haath lagaya to court main bulaya. Ab fir geeta pe haath….!

Law

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Santa was in an airplane going to Bombay. While it’s landing,

Santa shouts = Bombay.. Bombay… 

Air hostess = Please be silent.

Santa = Ok.. Ombay! Ombay!

Running

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Two frogs sitting together

1St Frog = Trrrrr

2nd Frog = Trrrr

1st Frog = Trrrr

2nd Frog = Trrrr

1st Frog = Taratrrr

2nd Frog = Yaar..! topic change mat kar.

Frog

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Ek dukaan ke baahar likha tha, "Insaano ki tarah baat karne wala kutta bikaau hai"..

Ek aadmi ne dukaandaar se kaha = Main us kutte ko dekhna chahta hun..

Dukaandaar = Saath wale kamre mein baitha hai ja kar mil lo…

Aadmi andar gaya, kutta chair par baitha tha…

Aadmi = Kyun bhayi, yahan kya kar rahe ho…..?

Kutta = Kar to main bohot kuch sakta hun lekin aajkal is dukaan ki rakhwaali

kar raha hun… Isse pehle america ke jaasusi department mein kaam karta tha….

Uske baad yahan aa gaya….

Kutte se milne ke baad….

Aadmi dukaandaar se = Itna gunvaan kutta aap bechna kyun chahte ho…?

Dukaandaar = Avval number ka jhutta hai ye….

Dog

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Ek aadmi pardesh mein noukri karta tha. Ek din uske ghar ka ek noukar aaya or kaha,

"Bhai Sahab, aapki joru raand ho gayi".. Aadmi ne apna seer pita, rota raha,

souk manata raha… Ek din uske chaar-paanch dost aaye or kaha,

"Yaar tu itna akalmand hokar aisi baat kar raha hai..

Bhalaa tere hote hue teri joru raand kaise ho sakti hai..?

Aadmi = Bhai baat to sahi keh raha hai, bhagwan ne mujhe itni akal to di hi hai,

Main bhi samajhta hun ki mere hote meri joru raand kaise ho sakti hai..

Par ye noukar bhi bohot purana hai, jhut nahin bolega mujhse…….

Cry

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Teacher ne sabhi students ko cricket pe essay likhne ko kaha…

Sabhi students apni apni book mein essay likhne lage,

lekin santa akela chupchaap baitha tha…

Teachar ne uski book li or dekha, usmein sirf ek hi line likhi thi, 

"Baarish hone ki wajah se match rok diya gaya hai"….

Write

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Santa = Ye tumhara beta hai..?

Banta = Haan..

Santa = Kitne saal ka hai..?

Banta = Paanch saal ka..

Santa = To ise school kyun nahin bhejte..?

Banta = Ise padhna likhna to aata hi nahin hai, phir school bhejkar kya faayda…?

Family

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Ek baar santa paagal ho gaya, wo baar-baar kehta rehta hai ki,

"Gulel banaunga, Chidiya maarunga".. Kuch saal paagal khaane mein rehne ke baad 

wo thik ho gaya..

Doctor = Ab kya karoge..?

Santa = Pehle main paise ekatthe karunga, phir main shaadi karunga, ussey 

mujhe ladka hoga, ek saal baad mein uska janamdin manaaunga..

Janamdin par usey bohot saare tohfe milenge, tohfe mein ek paint bhi hogi,

main uski laastic nikkalunga or ussey main "Gulel banaunga or Chidiya maarunga"…..

Bird

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Interview lene walo ne santa se pucha = Electric motor kaise chalti hai..?

Santa = burrruuuummm… burrruurmmm… ghurrrrr… woooonnnnonn

Interview lene walo ne ghusse mein kaha = Bas karo..

Santa = Burrruuummmm.. burrrr… pak.. pak…pak… chhussss…

Interview