Principal = Class mein der se kyun aaye? 

Student = Sir, gaadi puncture ho gayi thi.. 

Principal = To tumhe bus mein aana chahiye tha.. 

Student = Socha to tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi hai…

Teacher

*******************************************************************************

Nurse = Udaas kyun baite ho sir? 

Doctor = Dopahar ko jiska operation kiya tha, wo mar gaya. 

Nurse = Arey! wo to postmortem tha. 

Doctor = To maine subha kiska postmortem kiya tha….

Nurse

********************************************************************************

Santa ka beta = Sirji, jab aap mujhe padhate ho to mujhe

mere pitaaji ki yaad aati hai. 

Teacher = Achchi baath hai, kisliye unki yaad aati hai? 

Santa ka beta = Unhe bhi aapki tarah padhana nahin aata….

study

********************************************************************************

Wife = Aji sunte ho, koi peeche mere pair chhoo raha hai.

Husband = Peeche mud ke apna chehra dikha do,

Wo chhoona bandh kar dega…..

laugh

*********************************************************************************

Santa = Main england jaane ke baare mein soch raha hun.

Banta = Bohot paise kharch honge na. 

Santa = Nahin yaar, sochne ke bhi koi paise lagte hain kya? 

thinking

*********************************************************************************

Santa = Padosi se hathouda maang ke lana zara..

Banta = Maanga tha lekin nahi diya….

Santa = Aaj kal log kitne laalchi bangaye hai,

Chalo hamara hathouda hi leke aao jaldi….

Hammer

*********************************************************************************

Banta = Santa itna udaas kyun baitha hai? 

Santa = Yaar betting mein maine 2000 gawaa diye… 

Banta = Kaise..? 

Santa = India pe 1000 rupay ka bet lagaya tha aur India match haar gaya…

Banta = Lekin 2000 kaise..? 

Santa = Aaj us match ka highlight aaya tha.

India pe ummeed rakh ke phir 1000 rupay laga diye the,

Or wo phir dubara haar gaya…..

match

**********************************************************************************

Santa = Kela kitne ka hai? 

Dukaanwala = Ek rupay ka..

Santa = 60 paise mein doge kya? 

Dukaanwala = Itne me to sirf kele ka chhilka hi milega… 

Santa = To 40 paise leke sirf kela dedo….

Banana

***********************************************************************************

Santa aur banta ko 500 ka ek note mila. 

Santa = Hum ise fifty-fifty kar lenge.. 

Banta = Baaki 400 ka kya karoge?

money

***********************************************************************************

Pehla Aadmi = Shaadi ke baad main lakhpati ban gaya. 

Dusra Aadmi = To itnaa udhaas hokar kyun bol rahe ho? 

Pehla Aadmi = Usse pehle mein crorepati tha….

Money

*************************************************************************************

Yoga teacher ne ek lady se pucha = Kya yoga karne se aapke husband ki

sharaab pine ki aadat mein kuch badlaav hua..?

Lady = Haan, kaafi badlaav hua hai..

Ab to wo poori bottle seer ke bal khade ho kar bhi pee jaate hain….

Drinking

**************************************************************************************

Santa = Sab log kyun bhaag rahe hain? 

Banta = Yeh race hai jo jeetega use prize milega…

Santa = Agar sirf jeetne waale ko prize milega

To itne log kyun bhaaga rahe hain….?

Race

***************************************************************************************

Doctor = Is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo. 

Patient = Thik hai doctor..

Ek hafte ke baad..

Doctor = Dawaa khatam hui ya nahin? 

Patient = Nahin doctor..

Doctor = Kyun nahin? 

Patient = Usme likhaa tha ki bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe….

Medicine

*********************************************************************************************

Santa apni wife ke liye chhapal lene gaya..

Dukandar = Santa ji size to batao..

Santa = Yaar wo to mai bhool gaya, aisa karo mere kamar pe nishan dekhlo….

Slipper

**********************************************************************************************

Doctor Marij Se = Aapko Kya Shikayat Hai?

Marij = Doctor Sahab, Mai Khata Hun To Mujhe Nind Aa Jaati Hai.

Doctor = To Aap Aisa karo, Pehle aap so jaya karo phir khaana khaya karo……

Eating

***********************************************************************************************

Girlfriend = Kya baat hai bahut udaas lag rahe ho…?

Boyfriend = Maine abhi bahut hi karunamay book padhi hai..

Girlfriend = Kon si book…?

Boyfriend = Bank ki Passbook…..

Reading

************************************************************************************************

Pinky ki laal laal aankhen dekhkar uski saheli ne pucha = Tumhari aankhen

laal laal kyun hain…? 

Pinky = Mere pati bimaar hain.

Saheli = Lekin unki dekhbhaal ke liye to tumne nurse rakhi hai na..?

Pinky = Haan rakhi hai, isiliye to mujhe raatbhar jaagna padata hai…..

Nurse

**************************************************************************************************

Santa = Pata hai, bachpan mein mujhe ek bus ne zor se dakka maar diya tha. 

Banta = Baap re..! To tu mar gaya tha ya bach gaya tha? 

Santa = Mujhe yaad nahi hai, main tab 4 saal ka tha…..

Accident

***************************************************************************************************

Girl = Kya kar rahe ho..?

Boy = Makkhiyan maar raha hun..

Girl = Kitni maari..?

Boy = 3 male or 2 female..

Girl = Kaise pata..?

Boy = 3 Beer bottle pee rahe the or 2 phone se chipki hui thi.

Bee

**************************************************************************************************

Wife = Suno ji, aap ko mujhme sab se zayadakiya acha lagta ha? 

Meri beauty ya meri akalmandi…?

Husband = Mujhe to tumhari ye mazaak karne ki aadat sab se zayada 

achchhi lagti hai…..

Couple