Wife = I will die.

Husband = I will also die.

Wife = Why will you die?

Husband = Because main itni khushi bardasht nahin ker sakta.. :D

Animal

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Husband = Kal mere khawaab main ek ladki aayi thi. Wah! kya Ladki thi..

Wife = Akeli aayi hogi..?

Husband = Haan, Tum ko kaise pata..?

Wife = Uska husband mere khawaab main aaya tha..!

Think

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Husband = Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. 

Wife = Why three..? 

Husband = For you and your parents……

Movie

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Wife = Yesterday night i saw a dream, that u were sending me Jewelry and clothes..!

Husband = yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill….!!

Jewelry

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Husband = Aaj khane mein kya banaogi..?

Wife = Jo aap kaho..

Husband = Daal chaawal bana lo..

Wife = Abhi kal hi to khaaye the..

Husband = To sabzi roti bana lo..

Wife = Bacche nahi khayenge..

Husband = To chhole puri bana lo..

Wife = Mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai..

Husband = Eggs bhurji bana lo..

Wife = Aaj guruvaar hai..

Husband = Paraanthe..?

Wife = Raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai..??

Husband = Hotel se mangwa lete hain..?

Wife = Roz roz hotel ka nahin khana chahiye..

Husband = Kadhi chaawal..?

Wife = Dahi nahin hai….

Husband = Idly saambar..?

Wife = Usme time lagega, pehle bolna chahiye tha na..!

Husband = Maggi hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega..

Wife = Woh koi meal thodi hai..? Pet nahi bharta..

Husband = Phir ab kya banaogi..?

Wife = Jo aap kaho….

Cooking

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Wife = Suno ji, aap ko mujhme sab se jyada kya achchha lagta hai?

Meri beauty ya meri akalmandi…?

Husband = Mujhe to tumhari ye mazaak karne ki aadat sab se jyada achchhi lagti hai…..

Laugh

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Baatuni biwi se pareshaan pati ne kaha, agar tum paanch minute bhi 

khamosh baithi raho to tumhe paanch sou rupay dunga….

Patni khamosh ho gayi, abhi mushkil se do minute beete honge ki wo boli 

"Zaraa dekhna to paanch minute ho gaye kya"?

Rest

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Laalu apni honewali biwi santo se bola = Ek kiss de do.. 

Santo sarma ke boli shaadi ke baad.. 

Laalu ko ghussa aa gaya, wo bola = Baaki sabko to khub deti ho, 

mujhe pata nahin hai kya..? 

Santo boli = Un sabki to shaadi ho chuki hai na…!

Shy

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Patni ghusse mein pati se = Main puchti hun ki aisa chor nokar kyun rakha..?

Pati = Kyun, kya hua..?

Patni hona kya tha, aap parso hotel se jo chaandi ki plate utha laaye the,

wo isne gaayab kar di….

Angry

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Patni = Raat ko aap pikar gutter mein gir gaye the.

Pati = Kya bataun sab galat sangati ka asar hai..

Hum chaar dost or ek botel thi or wo teeno peete nahin the….

Drunk

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Patni = Darling kuch saal pehle mera figure cock ki bottle jaisa tha..

Pati ghusse mein bola = Wo to aaj bhi hai, bas fark itna hai ki pehle regular bottle

jaisa tha or ab jambo pack jaisa ho gaya hai…

Drinking

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Ek aadmi saadhu se bola = Meri biwi bahut paresaan karti hai, koi upaaye batao..

Saadhu = Arey koi upaaye hota to main saadhu kyun banta….

Saint

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Husband and Wife bazaar ja rhe the. Raste main ek Gadha Mila.

Funny Wife = Tumhare Ristedar hai, Namaste to karo.

Funny Husband = Namaste Sasurji….!

Donkey

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Raman doctor ke saamne gidgidaate hue bola = Meri biwi pichle chhey 

ghante se ekdum khamosh hai, main kya karun kuch samajh mein nahin aa raha hai.

Aap hi kuch upaaye batayen…

Doctor = To mere paas kyun aaye ho, tumhe to genius book of world record walon

se sampark karna chahiye…

Scare

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Dulhan = Agar main kabhi moti ho jaaungi tab bhi tum mujhe aise hi chahte rahoge…

Santa = Hargiz nahin, maine sirf burey dinon mein saath dene ka waada kiya hai.

Ye motey patle ki koi baat taye nahin hui thi….

Fatty

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Gujarati ki wife Gujarati se boli = Aap hazaro me ek hai.

Funny Gujarati ne ek tappad mara aur bola = Baki 999 kon hain?

Slap

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Wife = Kyun ji, sab kehte hain ki jodiyan swarg mein banti hain, or shaadi dharti par hoti hai.

Shaadiyan swarg mein hi kyun ni hoti….

Husband = Arey, agar swarg mein shaadiyan hone lagi to swarg nark nahin ban jaaega….!!

Cute girl

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Santa = Aaj shaam ki chaaye baahar peete hain…

Wife = Kyun..? tumhe kya lagta hai ki main chaaye banate banate thak gayi hun..?

Santa = Nahin, darasal main hi cup-plates dhote-dhote tang aa gaya hun…..

Tea

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Santa ne ek raat achaanak uth kar apni patni se poocha = Ye batao, kis 

tarah ki mout achchhi hoti hai.. tadap-tadap kar marna ya jhat-pat marna….?

Wife = Ye itni raat ko kaisi-kaisi baat kar rahe ho..? Jhat-pat mar jana jyada achchha hai..

Santa = Thik hai, to phir apni dusri taang bhi mere uppar rakh do….

dead

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Santa or uski patni coffee shop mein coffee pee rahe the..

Santa = Jaldi jaldi piyo..

Patni = Kyun..?

Santa = Hot coffee 5 rupay mein hai or cold coffee 10 rupay mein hai….

Coffee

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Banta = Biwi se jhagdaa khatam ho gaya..?

Santa = Arey! wo to ghutne tek kar aayi thi mere paas..

Banta = Achchha..! kya boli ghutne tek kar..?

Santa = Boli ki bed ke niche se nikal aao, ab nahin aarungi….

Beating