Arz hai = Unki yaad me hum ne ro ro kar tub bhar diye!

Aur wo itne bewafa nikle ki naha ke chal diye…

Waterbucket

*****************************************************************

First Man To Second Man = Tumhaari wife kyu hamesha ghussa rahti hai..? 

Second Man = Maine galti se use bola tha ki "tum ghusse main bhi bohot 

khoob lagti ho"….

Angry

*****************************************************************

Ek baar santa paise jamaa karne bank gaya..

Officer = Ye note fataa hai dusra do..

Santa = Main apne a/c mein jamaa kar raha hun,

Fataa karun ya Nayaa tujhe kya matlab hai bey….?

Money

*****************************************************************

Santa = Yaar mera kutta kho gaya hai. Main kya karun..?

Banta = Abey tu paper me news kyun nahin deta ki tera kutta kho gaya.

Santa = Chup kar saale mera kutta pada likha nahi hai.

Dog

*****************************************************************

Baniye ki biwi bimaar thi,

Light na hone ki wajah se baniye ne candle jala di or bola: –

Doctor ko bulane ja raha hun,

Agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to please ye candle jaroor bhuja dena…..

Candle

*****************************************************************

Taxi mein beithe hue passenger ne driver se kaha = Mujhe Taxi mai bethne 

par ek hi baat ki fikar hoti hai woh hain brakes..

Driver = Aapko ghabrane ki jaroorat nahin hai, is mein brakes hai hi nahin….

Drive

*****************************************************************

Kanjoos aadmi ek hotel main gayaa..

Waiter = Janaab kya chahiye..?

Kanjoos = Main subah yahan naashta kar ke gaya tha,

kuch bach gaya tha, wahi le aao.. ;-)

Eating

*****************************************************************

A black boy was crying and saying to his buffalo = Why i m so black, 

Everyone teases me..

Buffalo = Tu ne mera dood piya hai tu bilkul mere jaisa hai..

Buffalo

*****************************************************************

Golu gifted a card to his father on his birthday with quote on it

.

.

 

"Phool to bohot hain par gulaab jaisa koi nahin..

.

.

Mere baap to bohot hain par aap jaisa koi nahin"… :)

Car

*****************************************************************

Couple date par tha mummy ne dekh liya.

Mummy ne call kiya = Beta kaha ho..?

Beta = Paper dene aaya hun..

Mummy = Zaraa dhyan se dena is paper ka result aaya to jaan se mar dungi….

Car

*****************************************************************

Ek ladki ghar se bhaag gayi..

3 din baad waapis aayi.. 

Baap (Ghusse Se) = Ab kya lene aayi ho..?

Ladki = Patli pin wala charger. . . ;-)

Running

*****************************************************************

Dulhan andhe pati se = Kaash tumhari aankhe hoti

to tum mere husn ko dekh sakte..

Pati = Agar tum khubsurat hoti to kya

aankho wale tumhe mere liye chhod dete….

Blind

*****************************************************************

Plumber = Sir pipe nayaa lagaa diya hai aur bill 700/- rs ho gaya.

Engineer = Arey..! Itna to main engineer ho ke bhi nahin kamata..

Plumber = Main bhi nahi kamata tha jab engineer tha..!!

Engineer

*****************************************************************

Girl (romantically) to Rajnikanth = Ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya 

jano rajni babu..?

Rajnikanth = 0.00078924576 rs. per gram..

Don`t mess with Rajni..! ;-)

Boy play

******************************************************************

Father = Beta tum history mein fail kyun ho gaye the?

Beta = Papa , sabhi question us time ke the jab mein paida bhi nahin hua tha.

Father

******************************************************************

Golu = Tum to keh rahe the ki tum cement ki factory banaoge, 

To abhi tak banaya nahin..?

Molu = Kya karun factory banaane ke liye cement hi nahin mil raha….

Sand Watch

******************************************************************

Patni ghusse mein = Aaj ke baad main tumse baat nahin karungi..

Pati =  Kyun tum gungi hone wali ho..?

Patni = Nahin, Tumhe behra karne wali hun…

Angry Lady

******************************************************************

Aisi ki taisi kab hoti hai..?

Kab lagta hai ki ab to bhagwan bhi nai bacha sakta..

.

.

.

 

Ans = Jab dast lage or pajaame ka naada na khule..

Running

*******************************************************************

Aankhon me aansu, 

Chehre par hansi hai..

Saanso mein aahen,

Dil me bebasi hai….

Pehle kyun nahin btaya..

Darwaaje me ungli phasi hai……

Injured

********************************************************************

Height of emotional atyachaar: –

Girlfriend = Main ro ro ke tere liye jaan de dungi..

Boyfriend = Ok ro le jitna rona hai par ek buket bhar k rona

mujhe nahana hai…

Bath

********************************************************************

Winter season mein: –

Golu = Arey yaar nadi se bhaap kyu nikal raha hai..?

Molu = Lagta hai machchaliyan chai bana rahi hain..

Tea

********************************************************************

Teacher = Tumhaare aur harish ka answer ek jaisa hai, woh kaise?

Student = Kyunki question ek hi tha na masterji, isliye.. :)

Teacher

********************************************************************

Girlfriend = Mera b'day gift kahan hai..?

Boyfriend = Woh dekho..! Laal rang ki stylish "Farrari" dekh rahi ho road 

ke dusri taraf..?

Girlfriend(khus hoke) = Haan haan..!!

Boyfriend = Same color ka rumaal liya hai maine tere liye….. ;-)

Gift

*********************************************************************

Santa asked his friend = Kya tumhare underwear mein suraakh hai..?

Friend replied = No..

Santa said = To phir taangey kahan se daalta hai saale….

Talk

*********************************************************************

Santa child = Mere papa bahut darpok hain.

Banta child = Wo kaise..?

Santa child = Jab bhi road cross karten hain, meri ungli pakar lete hain….

Father Son

**********************************************************************

Teacher = To bataiye paani ke bina insan kese marega..?

Student = Sir, paani nahin hoga to insaan tairega kaise..? 

Or tairega nahin to doob jayega..! Yaani mar jaaega….

Swimming

**********************************************************************

Santa to his mother = Maa Khush khabri hai..

Maa = Bol beta..

Santa = Hum 2 se 3 ho gaye hain..

Maa = Beta hua ya beti..?

Santa = Na Beta na Beti, teri bahu ne doosri shaadi kar li hai..!

Rooster

***********************************************************************

Santa was working 1st time in a garment shop..

Girl = Jara underwear dikhana..

Santa sharma ke = Ji aaj nahi pehni..! Kal aana..

Talk

***********************************************************************

Patni = Aapki blue shirt mujhse jal gayi..

Pati = Mere paas waisi ek aur shirt hai..

Patni = Pata hai, Maine usme se kapda kaat ke pehle wale me laga diya hai….

Iron

***********************************************************************

Kanjus = Aap kya lenge, thanda ya garam..?

Golu = Dono hi mangwado..

Kanjus = Sunti ho do glass paani le aana..

Ek freezer se aur dusra geezer se…. :)

Kanjoos

************************************************************************

Golu ne nayaa saloon khola..

Ek aadmi shave karwane aaya..

Golu = Muchhe rakhni hai..?

Man = Haan..

Golu muchchhe kaat ke = Lo ji rakh lo jaha rakhni hai……

Barber

*************************************************************************

Chor aaya, Tijori pe likha tha.. 

"Todne ki jarurt nahin hai, Button dabaao khul jayega"..

Button dabaate hi police aa gayi..

Chor = Aaj mera insaaniyat par se vishwas uth gaya….

Theft

*************************************************************************

Nurse = Udaas kyun beithe hain sir..?

Doctor = Dopahar ko jiska operation kiya tha wo mar gaya..

Nurse = Sir woh operation nahin postmortem tha….

Doctor = Kya..?? To subha kiska postmortem kiya tha….

Doctor

*************************************************************************

Traffic police = Aap 180 ki speed se kyun ja rahe ho..

Golu = Aap logo ne hi to side wale board pe likha hai,

"Yaad rakhe ghar pe koi aapka intezar kar raha hai"…..

Drive

*************************************************************************

Wife = subah mere chehre pe paani kyun dala..

Pati = Tere baap ne kaha tha ki meri beti phool ki tarha hai,

ise murjhane mat dena….

Flowers

*************************************************************************

Santa ko uska sasur jute maar raha tha..

Aadmi = Kyun maar rahe ho..?

Sasur = Maine ise hospital se sms kiya ki tum baap ban gaye ho. 

Isne apne saare friends ko forward kar diya..!

Hit

**************************************************************************

Fattu = Oye tu ladki dekh aaya..? Kaisi hai..?

Pappu = Rang se kaali hai aur kaan se kam sunti hai..

Fattu = Zara english mein kaho…

Pappu = 'Black-Berry' Hai….

Couple

**************************************************************************

Golu = Doctor mujhe aisa lagta hai jaise mere kaan me koi gunguna raha hai..

Doctor = Aisa kab lagta hai..?

Golu = Jab main kaan me headphone laga ke song sunta hu..

Music

***************************************************************************

Boy to Girl = Jaanu, coka-cola peene ke baad kuch karne ko dil chah raha hai..

Girl(sharmate hue) = Karo na..

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

Boy = Burrrrrrraahh..!!

Mad

************************************************************************

Teacher = Insaan or jaanwar ke bachchon mein kya fark hota hai..?

Student = Ullu ke bachche bade hokar ullu, Gadhe ke gadhe bante hain,

jab ki insaan ke bachche gadhe, ullu dono ban sakte hain…

Donkey Rider

************************************************************************

Teacher = Sabse bada paagal koun hai..?

Santa ka beta utha….

Teacher = Shabash bete.. Batao…..!!

Beta = Oye..! Jaan se maar dunga.. agar kisine mere papa ka naam liya to….

Kill

************************************************************************

Sale badhane ka naya tarika..

EK hotel malik ne bahar board pe likha.

"Agar aap khana nahin khaoge to aap aur mein dono bhukhe mar jayenge."

Eating

************************************************************************

Biwi = Wo aadmi mujhe dekh ke muskura raha hai..

Pati = Jaroor hasega, jab maine pehli baar tumhari shakal dekhi thi to 

main bhi 3 din tak apni hasi nahin rok paya tha….

Laughing

************************************************************************

Santa baar baar zebra crossing pe idhar udhar chal raha tha……

.

.

.

.

Wo kya soch raha tha….!! ??

.

.

Socho..?

.

.

Socho..?

.

.

.

.

Wo soch raha tha….

"Saala ye piano bajta kyun nahin hai"….

Music

**********************************************************************

Teacher = Itne din se kahan the..?

Boy = Bird flu ho gya tha..

Teacher = Par ye to birds me hota hai..

Boy(Ghusse me) = Insaan hi kahan rehne diya aapne,

Roj to murga banaa dete ho..!

Rooster

**********************************************************************

Santa ki taang nili ho gayi..

Doctor = Zeher hai, Taang kaatni padegi..

Taang kaat kar nakli laga di..

2 din baad = Nakli taang bhi nili pad gayi…

Doctor = Ab bimari samajh aayi..

Jeans rang chhodti hai….

Teddy

**********************************************************************

Teacher = Batao A ke baad kya aata hai..?

.

.

.

.

.

Santa kaafi der sochne ke baad bola..

"Kya bolti tu..!" :)

Kid

**********************************************************************

Munna = Ae circuit ek baat bata agar bhains ko akal aa jaye to kya hoga..?

Circuit = Simple hai bhai, Wo khud doodh me pani milana shuru kar degi.

Have Milk

**********************************************************************

Santa 500 ke note par likha number dial kar raha tha..

Banta = Ye tum kya kar rahe ho?

Santa = Yaar me dekh raha hu gandhiji to chale gaye,

Par unka mobile kiske paas hai….?

Dial

**********************************************************************

Gabbar ne sholey film mein thakur ke haath kyun kaate the..?? 

Nahin pata..! 

Kyun ki thakur gabbar ko sms nahi karta tha.. 

Baaki samajhdar ko ishara kaafi hai..

Chat

**********************************************************************

Teacher = Aap ka beta fail ho gaya hai aur aap laddu khila rahe ho..!

Netaji = 50 ki class mein 40 fail hain..

Majority to mere bete ke saath hi hai na….

Sweets

**********************************************************************

Santa ne ek raah chalti ajnabi ladki se kaha = Aapne pehchana mujh ko..?

Ladki = Nahin..!

Santa = Main wahi hun jisko aapne parso bhi nahin pehchana tha…!!

Talk

**********************************************************************

Teacher = Jo dusro ko apni baat na samjha sake wo gadha hota hai..

Pappu = Sir, kya matlab main samjha nahin..

Donkey

**********************************************************************

Girl says = Na dekh hasino ko gazab hoga,

Tu bhi ek din kisi hasina ka baap hoga..

Boy says = Khuda kare teri zubaan sachchi ho,

Mujhe Papa kehne wali teri hi bachchi ho….

Flirt

**********************************************************************

Ek girl faansi laga rahi thi..

Golu ne window se dekha,

.

.

Socho golu kya bola hoga..?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Sirf latakne se height nahin badhegi,

Mummy ko bolo complan pilaye….

Hang

***********************************************************************

A boy is sitting in a park behind a tree with his girlfriend..

Old man = Bete, kya ye hamari sanskriti hai..?

Boy = Nahin, Ye baajuwale ghar ki pallavi hai….

Couple

***********************************************************************

Sante Ne ek makkhi pakdi or uske pankh todkar bola = Ud Jaa..!

Makkhi nahin udi..!

Santa = Isse prove hua ki makkhi ke pankh tod do to wo behri ho jaati hai..

Bee

***********************************************************************

Pati = Meri nazar kamzor ho gayi hai, sochta hun chashma banwa lun. 

Patni = Rehne do..! Colony mein mujhse sundar koi nahin hai.

Mad

**********************************************************************

Doctor to accident patient = Jab car ek mahila chala rhi thi to tumhe 

sadak se dur chalna chahiye tha.

Patient = Kaayeka sadak..? Main to khet mein lota leke beitha tha…. ;-)

Accident

**********************************************************************

Teacher = Hanumaan kiska chhora tha..?

Student = Jaat ka..

Teacher = Wo kaise..?

Student = Uske kaam Jaaton waale the.. 

Ladhayi kisiki, lugaayi kisiki, Or punchh apni phukwa li…..

Fight

**********************************************************************

2 pandito mein ladhayi ho rahi thi..

Teesre pandit ne aakar pucha  = Kya hua..?

To pehla pandit bola = Jab main lehsun pyaaj ni khata to isne mere chiken 

mein kyun dala….?

Cat

**********************************************************************

USA = Humare dog football khelte hain..

JAPAN = Humare fish dance karte hain..

CHINA = Humare haathi cycle chalate hain..

INDIA = Humare Gadhe Govt. chalaate hain…. ;-)

Donkey

***********************************************************************

One day god asked me if u have to choose beetween love & friendship whom 

u will choose..?

I just looked at my friends and said = "Saalon ab to love chunne do"….

Friends

***********************************************************************

Teacher = Taj Mahal kisne banaya tha..?

Santa = Ji, Kaarigar ne..

Teacher = Mera matlab hai banwaya kisne tha..?

Thoda Soach Kar..

.

.

.

Santa = Ji, Thekedaar ne…..!

Construction

************************************************************************

Santa = Kal ek aadmi aurat ko peet raha tha.. 

To maine kaha mard se ladho.

Banta = Phir..?

Santa = Phir jab mujhe hosh aaya to main hospital mein tha…..

Fight

************************************************************************

Ek baar class mein ek ladki gaana gaane lagi

"Zaraa zaraa touch me touch me touch me.."

Tabhi ek ladka utha or usey touch kiya phir bola..

Le ab himmat hai to aage gaa ke dikha….

Singing

************************************************************************

Chuhe k bacche khel rahe the tabhi ek billi aayi,

Ek chuha = Bhow bhow..!

Billi chali gayi..

Chuha apne friends ko bola = Dekha foreign language sikhne ka faayda!….

Fight

************************************************************************

Pati = Aaj Khana tumhari maa ne banaya hai kya..?

Patni = Haan, Par tumhe kaise pata chala..!

Pati = Roz khane mein kaale baal milte hain, Aaj safed mile hain….

Cook

*************************************************************************

Santa library ko hotel samajh kar andar gaya or chillaya…

"Ek Lassi Lana"..

Kisine ussey kaha = Ye library hai..

To santa dheere se bola = Ek lassi lana…

Silent

*************************************************************************

Girl = Main fail hona chahti hun..

Friend = Kyun..?

Girl = Ammi ne kaha hai ki 1st aayi to science dilwaungi or 2nd aayi to arts..

Or fail hui to shaadi kara dungi… ;-)

Walk

*************************************************************************

Santa = Insaan ko zindagi mein koi bhi problem hoto kiske paas jana 

chahiye…?

Banta = Kisaan ke paas…!

Santa = Kyun..?

Banta = Uske paas "Hal" hota hai…

Ox

*************************************************************************

One of the cutest romance: –

A boy and a girl from nursery kising each other,

Suddenly the teacher came..

Teacher = What's happening..? 

Kid = Mam isne meli vashlin le li thi, waapas le raha hun…..

Kiss

************************************************************************

Girl = Mat kar picha mera ek din pachhtayega,

Baahar collage ke tu samose ka thela lagaayega….

Boy = Tu mat thukra mere pyaar ko ek din pachhtayegi,

Usi thele pe bartan maanjti tu bhi nazar aayegi….

Wash

************************************************************************

Boy to Girl = Tumhari umar kya hai..?

Girl = 20 years..

Boy = Tum ne to 5 saal pehle bhi yahi batayi thi..!

Girl = Dekha ladkiyan zubaan ki kitni pakki hoti hain….

Talk

************************************************************************

Ek chuha sharaab ke drum me gira.

Bahar nikal ke mast ho kar, 

Soyi hui billi ke munh par laat maarkar bola..

.

.

Uth munni, Aaj ye chulbul tera dance dekhne aya hai…..

Drink

************************************************************************

Golu = Ye LCD ka rate kya hai..?

Salesman = Ek laakh rupay..

Golu = Why anything special..?

Salesmen = Light chali gayi to automatic off ho jayegi,

Golu = Oh! phir thik hai, Pack it..

TV

************************************************************************

Santa ne facebook pe apna account banaya aur apni wall pe likha..

Yahan thukna mana hai”….

Typing

************************************************************************

Ek khargosh roj lohaar ki dukaan pe jata aur kehta = Gaajar hai..?

Lohar inkaar kar deta..

Ek din Lohaar ko ghussa aaya aur usne khargosh ke daant tod diye.

Phir….

.

.

Phir kya..!

Agle din khargosh aaya aur bola..

"Gaajar ka juice hai kya..?

Drink

*************************************************************************

12 Boys planed to propose a girl

10 came with a rose..

But 1 came with a ring = Thats confidence..

But what about the other 1..?

Wo saala baraat lekar aaya = Over Confidence..!

Mouse

************************************************************************

Santa = Yaar Banta tune poore toilet me potty kyun kar di?

Banta = Yaar ye mobile bhi na!

Santa = Kya hua?

Banta = Tune “IDEA” ki ad nahin dekhi..!!

WALK when u TALK

Talk

*************************************************************************

Santa ko rota dekhkar Banta ne pucha = Kya hua..?

Santa = Maine 2 ton ka AC kharida tha, 

Ghar aakar tola to sir 35 kilo ka nikla..!

Cry

*************************************************************************

Santa mango juice ka glaas le kar baitha tha

Banta aaya aur fataak se juice pee gaya..

Santa = Meri to yaar kismat hi kharab hai. Beta fail ho gaya,

Biwi dost ke saath bhaag gayi, Ghar mein chori ho gayi, Nalke mein

paani nahin, Ghar mein light nahin…

Ab juice me zehar daal ke peene ko rakha tha,

Aur wo bhi tu pee gaya saale..!

Drink

*************************************************************************

Santa = Tumhari biwi ka kya naam hai?

Banta = Google Kaur.

Santa = Ye kaisa naam hai….!!

Banta = Yaar mein jaha bhi hota hoon, wo mujhe dhoondh hi leti hai..!

Search

*************************************************************************

Santa = Mujhe mobile me mp3 songs dalwaane hain..

Mobile shop wala = Memory card hai kya..?

Santa = Nahin memory card nahin hai, Raasan Card chalega..?

Music

*************************************************************************

Wife to Santa = You don’t love me at all..!!

Santa points towards their five children and says: –

Do you think I donwloaded them from google”.. ;-)

Hug

*************************************************************************

“Neend ke piche mat bhaago.

Agar bhagna hai to padhai ke peeche bhago.

Neend jhak maar ke tumhare peeche aayegi..!”

Sleep

*************************************************************************

Do judwa baache kamare me baithe the..

Ek haans ke lot pot ho raha tha aur dusra udaas tha..

Dad = Tum itna kyun haans rahe ho..

Son = Mummy ne itni thand me dono baar isi ko nehla diya….!

Baby

**************************************************************************

Sasur ne daamaad se kaha = 6 saal me 8 baache, ye kya hai..?

Daamaad = Maine aapse kaha tha gareeb jarur hun par aapki beti ko kabhi 

khali pet nahi rakhunga….!

Kids

**************************************************************************

Sholey ki team ne IPL me part liya,

Gabbar ke bowler ne 20 Over me 150 run diye.. 

Aur extra me 200 run diye…

Batao kyun….?

Kyunki wicketkeepar thakur tha…. :)

Play

**************************************************************************

Friendship rules =

No Drama

No Excuse

No Sorry

No Thanks

Don’t say I am busy

Always say, Jaani hukum karo, Aapke liye jaan bhi haazir hai,

Denge nahi wo alag baat hai..!

Run

***************************************************************************

One hand on pen, Other on phone.. 

One ear on lecture, Other on gossip.. 

One eye on board, Other on lover..

Koun gadha bolega student life is easy..?

We are very busy..!!

Play

**************************************************************************

Girl’s father = Main nahin chahta ki meri beti apni puri zindgi 1 gadhe k 

saath guzaare.

Boyfriend = Bus, isiliye main use yahan se le jaane aaya hun….

Donkey